Birthday Wishlist.

I've been browsing amazon for the first time and I found a pretty good deal on camera lenses. At first, the thing that I browsed for was Nikon D7000 16.2MP DX-Format CMOS Digital SLR with 3.0-Inch LCD (Body Only). It was kind of expensive, and besides I only had my Bibi Cleo for less than a year, so no, I won't buy a new camera body right now. Instead of browsing for camera body's, I browsed for Nikkor lenses and found a Nikon 35mm f/1.8G AF-S DX Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras. Though I should be deciding on which zoom lens to buy, either a Sigma AF 18-200mm f/3.5-6.3 DC OS (Optical Stabilizer) Zoom Lens for Nikon Digital SLR Cameras or Nikon 55-200mm f/4-5.6G ED IF AF-S DX VR [Vibration Reduction] Nikkor Zoom Lens, I still would like to have the 35mm one. It would be a perfect Birthday gift. (waving at the lover).

I also want a new iPod. I know I shouldn't be thinking of buying another one, since I still have my 4 year old iPod nano which is still working perfectly, and plus I have an iPhone 3g and 4 which I don't want to use as an iPod, I still don't know if I would buy in the near future an Apple iPod classic 120 GB Black (6th Generation) [Previous Model]. I wanted to have an iPod wherein I can put thousand and thousand of songs. I'd love to have either an Apple iPod Video 60 GB Black MA147LL/A (5th Generation) OLD MODEL or a 120gb one.

So this is the only thing I want for my birthday, I can't think of any more things since I think I have enough.

Hello, sickness.

So I haven't blogged for the past two or three days. I was sick, still sick and was lazy to turn on the computer. I hate how my asthma attacked again. The last time I had an attack was like 5 years ago and now I'm having it again. My Mother told me that it's because I gained too much weight that's why it's back. I've been starving myself for 2 days now. I just don't want this asthma get worst. It's hard to breathe, laugh, cry, it's hard to do anything.

Okay, enough of the asthma thing. So I've been in the internet for hours now. Since I have no more facebook, might as well do something productive. I've been reading some articles at yahoo, and I came across this article about Retinols. I've read that it's an effective substance to get rid of those acne's and make your skin glow. I'm not worried too much about acne since I don't have any and if I do have it, it's because my monthly visitor is about to come. The thing that got me interested is that it can make your skin look clearer and can get rid of blackheads.

I'm sort of worried about the blackheads on my nose, though it's unnoticeable, still I get annoyed sometimes whenever I see them. I've been using this sticky nose thing where it kind of removes some of your blackheads on the nose part, but it won't remove it all. So I was browsing the internet and I came across Green Cream - Level 6 1 oz. It has different levels on how strong it is. I'm planning to buy Green Cream - Level 3 1 oz. first and try it. I hope it'll work. I'll also let the lover use it. Since he's been having some acne problems and acne scars.

Thoughts.

I wish I was skinnier so that I could wear whatever I want, and I can be comfortable wearing those pretty clothes without being told that it looks bad on me.

I wish I can go to Paris or a cruise to Europe on my next birthday, because I need to have some time to unwind and do some serious soul-searching.

I wish time can go by so slow so that I won't worry about post-secondary education and I won't be pressured too much.

I wish to win the lottery so that I can buy my dream house in Tagaytay, Philippines, and I can stay forever in my home land partying everday, everynight with my lifetime people.

I wish I can have more time to take pictures, my camera's resting too long and it needs to go out pretty soon.

I wish my place wouldn't be so cold so I can wear shorts everyday, I hate wearing pants because I find it so uncomfortable to wear. Agree? Agree?

On my way where my heart is.

My Mother and Father are talking about renewing our passports. There's this thing on December 4, 2010 where they can renew your passport here in our place. Usually passports are renewed in Ontario or Calgary. I've heard that they will only accommodate 10 person for the renewing of the passports, which sucks because there are a lot of Filipinos here in Saskatoon SK, who needs their passports to be renewed.

I was heart broken upon hearing that my passport had expired last June 2010. I was planning to go back to the Philippines next year because I badly miss my friends and that our Permanent Residency would now be valid and we can now apply for citizenship. I had a plan to buy Fujifilm FinePix XP10 12 MP Waterproof Digital Camera with 5x Optical Zoom and 2.7-Inch LCD (Green) for my friend, Chai Ordinario. She told me she wanted a waterproof camera so badly. My excitement then was gone. I was so pumped on going home only to find out that I can't, due to the fact that my passport's expired. I shouldn't have expected too much.

Links here, there and everywhere,

I've been meaning to find the perfect lotion for super dry skin. The lover is starting to have rashes because of scratching too much, his skin's very dry that it becomes so itchy. I was browsing the internet when I found Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula with Vitamin E, 13.5 fl oz (400 ml). I read that it's good for super dry skin.

We've tried using Aveeno Active Naturals Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion with Soothing Oatmeal Essence, 18-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 2) and I can say that it's really good. Though they're a little bit pricey, it's worth it. I also want us to try Gloves In A Bottle Gloves In A Bottle Shielding Lotion 8 fl oz (240 ml). I've read that most of the dermatologist recommend this lotion because not only can it moisturize your skin, it can also cure some skin diseases.

Book Worming.

We got stuck earlier at downtown. Because it was so cold around -20C and the lover forgot to plug in his car, the car just suddenly stopped in front of the mall. We phone the towing services and he asked me if I can wait for him at the mall.

I was walking around the mall waiting for him when I stumble on COLES bookstore. I saw Sugar and Spice: An L.A. Candy Novel and I wanted to buy it, but I came into thinking that I shouldn't buy any new novel til I finish the 4 new books I bought over the summer which I haven't started yet. I just finished reading Lauren Conrad Style and I can say that it's really a good book when you're into fashion and the like.

So I was walking at the bookstore when I came across on piles of photography books. I was struck when I saw Digital Photography Masterclass, How to Photograph Absolutely Everything: Successful Pictures From Your Digital Camera,The Complete Photographer , Digital Photographer's Handbook, 4th Edition and Fundamentals of Photography: The Essential Handbook for Both Digital and Film Cameras. Most of the books posted here are books of Tom Ang, I haven't heard about him but I will try to search for him over the internet later.

I also saw Sephora: The Ultimate Guide to Makeup, Skin, and Hair from the Beauty Authority. I never though that Sephora would have a book. I flip some page and read some of the topics from there and realized that it was a good book. I was supposed to buy it but I changed my mind, due to the fact that the book is wrinkled and I can't find anymore new copies of it. Maybe I'll try to go to indigo one of these days, or maybe I'll order it online, since I still have a $5 off at indigo.

CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNER.

and I'm excited about it...

How do you know when enough is enough?

I was talking to my Mother earlier, she was telling me a story about my Aunt, who was so devastated, and was completely isolated in the state where she build her hopes and dreams because of her husband. People did actually believed on what her "ex husband" was accusing of her, they were one sided I guess and didn't take my Aunt's side of explanation/story. I feel sorry for her. She tried to protect 30 years of marriage, and the one who she thought would never turned his back on her and would be the last person to turn her down did actually turned her down.

People do change, nothing last forever that's what my Mother said earlier. I find it true, indeed nothing last forever. From a good man, to a mad man, he even threatened to kill my Aunt. Too much of a good man eh? People did actually believe his stories. People believed how evil my Aunt was. They judged her without even hearing the other side of the story.

People should grow up, and need to start acting their age. They should mind their own business and stop meddling. They should stop judging other people without even hearing their stories. 


She was fed up. She filled a divorce. 

She even quoted :

"Many of you will state the scripture of “unconditional love” is always forgiving, always forgetting and always loving each other. Others will state our vows of “in sickness and in health, through thick or thin, for richer and for poorer, till death do us part”. What everyone failed to understand, that those phrases only applies to those couples who honors the sanctity and privacy of their marriage. Marriage is about Love where love is patient and slow to anger, love is kind and not selfish, love is thoughtful and not rude, love is not irritable, love believes in the best, and most important of all, love is not “jealous”. You cannot put Love and jealousy in the same sentence because a very positive feeling cannot be mixed with a very negative and dangerous feeling at the same time. Yet people will say I love her very much but I am jealous, that is why I did this. "

 

She no longer can take it anymore, she was fed up. She was right when she said that 

 

We are only human to make so many mistakes and forgiveness, but everything has a limit for the human nature! Even God knows that everything in our human nature has a limit to have an end, so that a new and better beginning will sprout from what has ended.

 

So do we really know when enough is enough? Do we need to wait for it to a point that, when it reached it's limit and then that's the time you should stop? Do you know when to stop? Do you really know when enough is enough?

 

Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions. 

Every pressurized system needs a relief valve. There has to be a way to reduce the stress, the tension, before it becomes too much to bare. There has to be a way to find relief because if the pressure doesn't find a way out, it will make one. It will explode. It's the pressure we put on ourselves that's the hardest to bare. The pressure to be better then we already are. The pressure to be better than we think we can be. It never ever lets up. It just builds and builds and builds.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Isn't he the cutest? I want to have an exact same dog as this one. :]

I've decided to install the Master Collection of Adobe CS4. I was excited when the lover handed me the CD and now that I've installed it I couldn't be any happier. I'm trying to learn Adobe After Effects CS4 as of now, and all I can say is, it is so awesome though it is confusing as fcuk, well it takes time to learn something right?

I've been thinking of buying my own laptop. Since I did install it in my Mom's, and I will install it in our desktop and my own laptop is so small that it gives me headaches whenever I use it, though I love that laptop because it's so small. I still need a new one. Maybe a 15" or a 17" one? And also I need to buy a new portable hard drive. The old one's full of crap and repeated files on it. arrrrghhhhhh! I need to save save save. Too much spending of money this month and next month due to Christmas shopping + the birthday which I have no plans yet + Christmas. Maybe I need to take more shifts? or find a new job? Lol!

I was browsing for the perfect dress for grad, I stumble upon this. I don't want to big poofy dress because everyone for sure will be wearing that type of stuff. So I choose this :

I also found the shoes that will match this one, but I'm not quite sure if the shoes that I choose would look great on the white dress.

                       
                                    I really like the first one, the Jimmy Choo one. It looks so elegant.
Do I look so excited? I know grad's like 7 months away from now and I need to lose weight first so that
                            the dress would look good on me. I'll also browse more grad dress and shoes.

A month from now would be my birthday. I'm not excited about it. I haven't formulated my official wish list. The lover asked me 2 days ago what gift would I want, and I was thinking about what I really want but nothing popped up from my mind. I guess I'm happy with what I have right now. I know I don't have everything, but I have enough.

 

Though I'm no make-up junkie, I'd be happy to have this. 

Mac's limited edition Christmas season brushes.

and 

a 94 palette color make-up from MAC.

Definitely will be in my Christmas wish list.

I'm not a perfect person, when it comes to relationship, I always tend to screw up. I've been a "bitch" before. I used to date numerous guys, and end up being tired with the guy and realized that he's really not my type or that he didn't sate what I'm looking for. I've been also in a steady period for a long period of time, waiting for the right person to just come, I've formulated a list on what I want in a guy, which all of us know that list is just bullshit because it only prolongs the wait.

So yes, I screwed up a lot of relationship before. I messed up, I always picked a fight. I wasn't the ideal or the epitome of a perfect girlfriend, but I've changed. Ever since I started dating the guy I'm with right now things have changed. Maybe because after a long wait of me wanting to have a serious relationship and a lasting one he came into my life. Yes there are times that we fuss over little details, we fight like there's no tomorrow, but that's only normal right? I remember a post from a good friend that "Fights are essential to establish a strong relationship, not to break them apart." Yes, that is true. I've came into such realization that there are no perfect couples, no perfect relationships, every person who's in a relationship someone did encounter a fight, maybe once? twice? thrice? who knows. People have just to learn the word "compromise" so the relationship that they're fighting for would actually last. I actually do believe in the word compromise, because if you really love a person and you want to spend I don't know how long you want it to be with him or her, you should really understand the word compromise and how'd you would use it.

 

Perfect line for me today. I wish I could start everything all over again. I know I should be thankful for what I am right now, because if it wasn't for my past, I wouldn't be this strong and happy, but you know, there are times when you just wish that if you had a chance to start over again, do everything right, you would. 

I wish I could start the thing with my school all over again. I messed it up once when I left for Canada, I messed it up again when I left for Vancouver and didn't take the pre-requisite subjects needed for my post-secondary education, and now, I'm afraid that I might mess it up again. They say mistakes makes you learn and makes you stronger, but in this case, it only made me scared. Scared that I might not pull it off. I might not be in the course that I want. 

I'm now in a state of confusion. Confused about life, confused about post-secondary education. I'm so scared of failing. So scared of not pulling it off even though people actually says I could. I feel that I'm not a smarty-pants and I suck at every subject that I'm taking. I'm too pressured to do the best and to ace that high score. I feel like I'm in a deep shit right now. 

I wish this could be over, I wish that I won't feel any pressure right now. I wish I can actually do this one right and not fail. I might lose it if I did fail. I might have a nervous breakdown. Sigh!

It's time to read a book, I'm starting to get bored browsing someone else's facebook. Heh!

I'm in front of the computer for hours and browsing adobe photoshop tutorials. I've been meaning to have a photo shoot soon, I'm planning it this week. Hope Friday's weather won't be cold.

I also want to do a model shoot. Just for fun. I'm planning to buy a black cloth at fabricland since the backgrounds at don's photo are a little bit pricey, I've been browsing background stands at eBay too, but it's kinda pricey too. I need to save money for a.) My Birthday, which is a month ish from now. b.) Boxing day. and c.) Christmas shopping. I'll be making a list on whoever is lucky enough to receive a gift from me. Teeehee! Of course the fambam and the lover would be on my top list. Yay I'm so excited.

 

Christmas is around the corner and I'm excited. 

I need to do some Christmas shopping soon, gifts for the fam-bam, the lover and for friends.

This is hard for me you know, but I'm trying. I'm packed up with shit loads of problems which myself can't solve. You have no clue what I'm in to, and what I'm feeling right now. No one knows. I just wan't to break down sometimes but I can't. I have to pull myself together at some point. You see I'm a complete mess, a mess ever since we came here. I've tried to do everything but it's not that easy. I've expected to much, assumed too much and I failed, which literally gave me a depression. So please, just let me. This is my life, this is my messed up life that I'm trying to fix. I'm doing everything I can to make myself happy. So please, I'm tired of all the bullshits that I've been experiencing for the last year and half, I just want to figure things out. Just let me.

We are all looking for answers. In medicine, in life, in everything. Sometimes the answers we were looking for were hiding just below the surface. Other times, we find answers when we didn't realize we were asking a question. Sometimes, the answers can catch us completely by surprise. And sometimes, even when we find the answer we've been looking for, we're still left with a whole helluva lot of questions.

I don't know, but sometimes I feel depressed without a reason. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Happiness is a choice, so that means I should choose carefully on what or who will make me happy? What if the person who's giving you pain and sadness is the same person who makes you happy? Should you hold on or should you let go?

People who have never been in love probably know what it is more than people who are “in love”. Most people who think they are “in love” have simply settled, thinking that what they have is the best it will ever get so they tell themselves it’s love no longer expecting anything more. People who have never been in love still have the fantasys of what love should be like and what it really is, therefore have a better understanding of love altogether.

“Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”

—	Elizabeth Gilbert

“People fear death more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over.”

—	Jim Morrison (via kari-shma) (via quote-book) That’s why people choose to commit suicide. When death is here, the pain is over. That’s why I wanted to die. So my pain will be over. Selfish but I don’t care whoever’s gonna hurt when I’m gone. I’ll just be happy that I’m pain-free.

Happiness isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. It’s a choice of forgetting all of the bullshit, forgetting the fact life is a bitch and people let you down. You have to be there for yourself in order for somebody to be there for you. Happiness doesn’t come over night, it grows. It gets torn down all the time but always manages to slip through the cracks and come back. And it only comes back when you choose to let it.

Seeing pictures of my lifetime people triggers this feeling of me wanting to go home ASAP. I hate this feeling :(I miss you guys :(

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly in her ear... While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your woman CRY there's a man... stealing smiles from her.

I've been listening to this song for the past hour. LSS.

I want to save up and go to Europe, like seriously.

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.”

“Enjoy the best things in your life, because you ain’t gonna get to live it twice.”